Absolute Loneliness

absolute lonelinessWe can be alone by choice and we can be lonely as a state of mind but there is another more sinister form of solitude and that is absolute loneliness.

Absolute Loneliness

As introvert, I really do not mind being alone because that is my choice and often just what I want. When I feel lonely and disconnected from others and the world around me, I also recognize hat it is solely up to me to remedy that…  either way it comes down to being a choice really.

In many cases I advocate that most of us need more alone time if for nothing else just so that we might get to not only know ourselves better but to also learn how to like love ourselves more as well.

After all… if you can get along with yourself… how can you expect to EVER get along with another human being?

But absolute loneliness, what is that?

Simply put, absolute loneliness is that icky feeling that you feel when you are utterly by yourself and realize that you no longer know yourself because you have not been living as your authentic self.

Absolute loneliness is when you are alone with yourself but you are at the same time left alone with a stranger because you are no longer in touch with who you really are. It’s kind of a scary situation but it happens all the time, especially after extended periods of trying be who we are not or to fit in where you might not really belong.

I think this is why after the death of relationship everything can feel so devastating, especially if you were trying to be the “ideal partner” instead of being just you. You are not just cut off from your ex but you are also cut off from yourself as well.

Think about it… if you were truly yourself in a relationship and had never compromised who and what you really are… when that relationship ended, don’t you think you would be starting from a stronger foundation?

This idea came about from reading my journal last night from March of 2004. It was a time where I was not only alone but suffering greatly from absolute loneliness because to be honest I had no clue at all about who I was anymore.

The line that grabbed me from one of the entries said this… “I will never compromise myself again in a relationship, ever.”  I said that because I knew that I had done just that. I had lost myself to the point that I was left alone with a stranger… myself.

And that right there was absolute loneliness…

Andy Wooten M.A. Counseling – A Certified Life Coach In Aspen Colorado

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Photo By Andy Wooten 07 July 2000


  1. That was me six years ago. It took three more years of intense work to figure out how I can get out from it and three more years to do it. Today I am in peace, happy and very comfortable with myself. I am not lonely nor alone. Sometimes I seek solitude, sometimes in mountains..

    Great write-up!

    • 3peaksblog says:

      Thank you for commenting Risto. Two of my clients that I talked to this week are going through post-relationship stuff but in different ways, and in both cases more than the loss of their partner it is the loss of “self” that they are struggling with right now to reclaim. Seeing that with them brought me back to where I was so long ago and the realization of what absolute loneliness actually is. Thanks for being a “long-time” reader and sticking with me and this blog! Have an awesome day! ~ Andy

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