Good Anger Versus Bad Anger

good angerGood anger versus bad anger but is there really such a thing as good anger? Is anger always negative or is it justified in the right circumstances? Can anger be helpful or is it always damaging?

Good Anger Versus Bad Anger

First, let us look at bad anger… if being angry or mad means you are screaming, cussing, and throwing things into the wall… yeah, that is bad anger or at least the external expression of it.

When I think of bad anger, what comes to mind is the kind of anger that you never let go of and in turn it becomes both corrosive and toxic, not only affecting you but also everyone else in your life.

I mean, have you ever met someone who was ALWAYS pissed off no matter what else was good? I don’t mean just negative, I mean constantly angry at whatever and that anger permeates pretty much every interaction or exchange that they have with any one else?

That rather explains what bad anger looks like, so I think you get the idea… but what about good anger, and again is there really such a thing?

Currently I have a client who straight up admits to being angry and knowing that client’s story, it is rightfully justified. In our session, we discussed that anger and its cause but also that it could be good anger and a very important part of the healing process.

Sometimes you just have to be mad and angry and go through the “anger” in order to get to the other stuff in life, such as forgiveness. After all, anger is a secondary emotion, not a primary feeling. It arises out of fear, frustration, hurt, or some combination of those three things.

Anger is real and we feel it regardless of the source and its okay to feel it, just as long as we are not stuck there and allow it to turn into bad anger. Is anger fun? I don’t think so but you have to feel it and you must also take the time to recognize what is truly behind that anger… is it fear, frustration, or maybe that you were hurt?

Once you understand what is behind your anger… for instance you were hurt over something that someone has done, you can then focus on that specific hurt, focus on that feeling, and subsequently heal it. “If you can feel it you can heal it,” they say… or as I put it, “if you if you’re hurting, you’re still healing.”

So not all anger is bad and actually, it is a huge part both healing and grieving processes.

Good anger is the anger that you acknowledge, accept, experience, and truly feel until you are able to forgive whatever it is that originally angered you in the first place.

One last note on anger before I close and I am paraphrasing…

“If you are pissed off over something that someone did to you today… that’s on them. If you are still pissed off over the same thing a year later… that’s on you.”

I think that explains the difference between good anger and bad anger perfectly.

Andy Wooten M.A. Counseling – A Certified Life Coach In Aspen Colorado

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photo credit: Tom Simpson Grr via photopin (license)

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