Do You Want to Happy Or Do You Want To Be Right?

How do you deal with interpersonal conflicts? Do you go for the win-win or do you strive to win at any cost? Have you ever considered what being right might cost you in the long term? What does winning an argument or coming out on top of any discussion cost you in terms of being happy?

Would you rather be happy or would you rather be right?

When you continually struggle to be always right, it is a clue about a need of being constantly in control. It is your ego’s greatest fear to be wrong. For you ego, to be wrong is akin to instant death.

What is wrong with the not knowing if you are right or not? The three most powerful words that I have learned in the past are simply, “I don’t know.” It is not said to imply ignorance or a lack of knowledge, but rather so a lack of attachment to specific answer or opinion. “I don’t know,” is very liberating and freeing as it then allows you to be detached from an expected answer or viewpoint. It releases you from any sense of responsibility of “knowing,” it allows you to be open to what is, and takes away any demands or expectations in any situation. It is a form of letting go.

I will admit that in my past, and in my younger days, I had an almost insatiable need to be always right. Looking back, I did come out ahead in many arguments, conflicts, and discussions in both my personal and professional life but also in looking back, I can assure you that I was not happy. Now, I sometimes wish that I had yielded more because in that same rear-view I can see that being tied up in knots to just win did not and does not really matter in the long-term.

Ask yourself in any conflict that you might find yourself…“Do I want to be happy or do I want to be right?” I bet that nine times out ten if you stop and ask yourself that question you will choose to be happy every time. By taking the time to ask yourself what you want, you will see both the drama being played out and the comedy of trying to control the situation. When you choose to be happy it will put things more into perspective for you. It isn’t giving up, it isn’t about not caring, it is just allowing yourself to no longer being tied to an ego-driven outcome.

So, the next time you discover yourself so deeply entrenched in the position that you are holding, think about stress and tension it is causing you and think about just letting it go. You might have to start out small on simple subject like which movie to see or where to go eat with your partner, but try letting it go if their point of view differs from yours. After all, which is more important… fighting over having Chinese or BBQ for dinner or having a nice dinner out?

Decide to choose being happy over being right and see what positive results you get just from letting go.

It’s your choice.

Andy Wooten M.A. Counseling – Certified Life Coach – Aspen, Colorado


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